Tag Archives: Pelagius

So scholars, attest! The Original Sin of the Fall has nothing to do whatsoever with the bleatings of the Pelagian or Hippomatic heresies. The sin was to suppose oneself able enough to select fruit at random without even an informal education. Eating the apple was not the point; rather it was the choice of apple that sparked God’s ire and ignited the fires of hell.

“Such arrogance!” He was heard booming to the men in His eternal fruit and vegetable market. “When all I ask is a little piety, some respect for those hands trained in the ways of My bountiful earth.”

Yet hope still sprang eternal in His eternal breast, and so as a reminder to future generations He named one of the seasons ‘the Fall’. Unfortunately, the Chinese Whispers nature of prophecy, coupled with the ceilinged nature of the office of scribe, led to some confusion. Forgotten it was that the Fall was about that purest of joys, ripened fruit, and the expert hand that leads one down the path to tastiness, that of the greengrocer. Instead, guilt, pain, suffering followed, inspired by ‘saints’ who were in truth vegetable heretics – abstract blasphemies from Gnosticism down through the witterings of Saint Augustine and the Council of Trent, all utterly foreign to a fruit-loving God. Continue reading →